We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
