I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
cat food counts as protein by the way
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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