do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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