i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
