Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
