I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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