You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
