Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
