i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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