I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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