I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
