He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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