he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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