I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
