trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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