am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
