I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
