we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just cropdusted the office
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
