Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
