Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
This house was built for laser tag.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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