My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
