He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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