Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
