ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
