Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
