woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
