My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
