just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
