Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
