he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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