That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
