I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
