So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
