When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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