Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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