I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
