I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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