i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Oh god it's open bar.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
