she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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