So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
