dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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