Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
