when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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