remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
