Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
