the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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