Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
