I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
