my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
