He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I want to fling myself into the sun
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
